My First Fathers Day

Wow! I am a father. Yup, dad, daddy, the big D. Dad. So tomorrow is fathers day, right? Okay. And? Am I supposed to feel empowered or something or demand I get everything I want for the day? (better than my birthday?!) Seriously, I don't know how I feel about being a father, yet. I mean, cool title, right? An elite club with limited membership will ever get to call me dad. Of course on the flip side, there is an elite club who will feel that I will be "unreasonable" "annoying" and probably if I play my cards right, "mean and a jerk!" So here I sit, with a little girl that has been loaned to me for 18-20 years, her father, her daddy. Feels nice.

I don't want to sound super spiritual but becoming a father didn't freak me out. I cried when I saw her being born. I cried when they kept her in the NICU for a week. But I guess what they say, 'Ignorance is bliss.' definitely fits me. Now, is it hard when she is crying...hard when she won't sleep...hard when she won't give her parents 5 minutes to themselves? Uhm, I claim the fifth! Anyhow, I guess I view fathering just like the rest of my life: one day at a time. I know as our little family expands, Lord willing, life will get more challenging. But I don't know that I feel that I am on a "mission from God," to quote a famous movie(say with a Chicago accent), as a father. Rather, God made me. God brought me a wife. God brought us a child. And GOD alone will allow me to not screw up this cute little girl too permanently.

So as I ponder my first fathers day, I reflect on my own father and must say, thanks.Thank you for never giving up on me. I saw God's faithfulness demonstrated through your belief in me. Thank you for kicking my sorry butt when I needed it. If that seminary prof thing ever washes out, I hear the Army needs some drill instructors. Thank you for your willingness to let me fail. I am beginning to grasp that this is one of the hardest facets of parenting/fatherhood. Thank you for doing 'man stuff' with me. Still not sure how to define that term from my childhood, but you did it. Like running copies on a Sunday morning before church, just you and me and the old radio shows playing on the car radio. Like allowing me to sabotage/help you make shelves for your office. Finishing my castle for my 6th grade Social Studies class and bruising your bum in the process, even as I was more concerned about my project then my father. Like taking me to QT after a football game and saying you enjoyed my 5 minutes of play time in the pouring rain. Thank you for all of the lessons that you have taught me without really teaching me. As I have become an adult, I keep 'discovering' things that you instilled in me, many of which you never knew you had. Thank you for the hug you gave me at my college graduation in front of the whole crowd. Thank you for walking with me through my early adult years as I scraped and bruised myself through my own mistakes. Thank you for listening to me when I declared "I want to marry this girl" after only knowing her 8 weeks. Thank you for the challenging words on our wedding day and for picking on me about getting to the kiss too early. I deserved that.

So as I celebrate my first and my father celebrates his 35th fathers day, may I be half the father that my father was and is to me. May my children not say platitudes about me but rather about the God within me. To my little girl, I love you KH and pray that God will bring you to know His saving grace quickly. To my father, I love you dad and thank God for the many lessons that you have taught me with the most important being to fear the Lord.