Starvation

I finally listened. I had heard what was being said for many weeks, but I finally swallowed my pride and listened. It was hard, real hard. To open my heart and mind and to listen to the truth was so painful, embarrassing, and overwhelming. The one who had been talking was not of this earth, but rather the Holy Spirit living within me. He had been trying to get my attention for so long and I consistently pushed Him aside settling for my own desires and strength. When at last my frail human mind and body could handle no more, I let go of my strangle hold on what I claimed as my life and fell on my face before my creator and Savior. I had failed; my wife had been hurt, I had been hurt, all because I was starving my soul of the food that it needed. I sat with my wife and admitted that it had been a couple of months or more since I had studied the Word for personal time with God.

Spiritual starvation, that’s the best way to summarize what I had done. Here I was training to be a missionary and I had neglected the one thing that all believers must do to survive: feeding themselves from the Word of God. Days had stretched into weeks, weeks into months and at last I realized what I was doing to the temple of the Holy Spirit. Why? Stupidity, ignorance? No, these were not on the radar of my choices as to why had I starved myself, hurting my young family and myself. Pride, yup, I said that dirty word. I actually believed that I could do it on my own. Over the past weeks, I would get some small snacks from a sermon here or there but instead of driving me to read the word for myself, I attempted to live on a snack rather than a meal. However, the miracle in all of this, God never stopped pursuing me; never.

This morning as I got out of my warm bed and left my wife sleeping, God led me to open the Word to Isaiah, a book I have read but not studied. Here is what God opened my eyes to as I sipped my coffee: "An ox knows its owner, And a donkey its master's manger, But Israel does not know, My people do not understand. Alas, sinful nation, People weighed down with iniquity, Offspring of evildoers, Sons who act corruptly! They have abandoned the LORD, They have despised the Holy One of Israel, They have turned away from Him. (Isa. 1:3-4, NASB) Isaiah was crying out to God’s people, Israel, showing them their sin and crying out for their repentance. However, as I read it this morning, the Holy Spirit changed a few words in that verse to show me that I too was acting as Israel once did: knowing the truth and attempting to live apart from it and do my own thing! Now, as a good dispensational student of the word, I know that God is speaking of literal Israel, but the application is very much for us today. Don’t reject the truth, you who know it.

If I stopped there it would be depressing because of the mess that I created. But God didn’t stop there with Israel and he doesn’t with us either. Read on: "Come now, and let us reason together," Says the LORD, "Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool. "If you consent and obey, You will eat the best of the land; "But if you refuse and rebel, You will be devoured by the sword." Truly, the mouth of the LORD has spoken. (Isa. 1:18-20) (See Hebrews 12:4-11 for a New Testament teaching on God disciplining His children.) There is hope with God, always. Restoration is available to His children when they confess (I John 1:9) put aside the past ways (Colossians 3:1-17) and follow Christ and His teachings (Galatians 5:16). He has been waiting for me to get right with Him, not the other way around. I blew it and I must accept the consequences of my sin of apathy and pride.(Galatians 6:7-10) I praise God I am forgiven, but I must now rebuild my relationship with my wife but more importantly with Him.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:19-20)